Reflection

Everywhere I go, people tell me I look exactly like my mom. Growing up, I always had people tell me I look exactly like my Dad.

Nowadays, they say I stand like her, look like her, smile like her, chuckle like her, move like her, I am feisty like her (Wait, What?? :) ). Her daughter I am in every way and for a young girl who lost her mother to Brain Cancer at thirteen, that is the best words that ears could ever hear. As Ive grown and matured, its like I morphed into my mother. Ironically, this all happened around the time I needed her here on earth the most.

The seasons I had with my mother were very limited. The memories I made with her, while the best ever, can never be increased. I dont really remember much about who she was, I didnt get enough time to really learn her. At thirteen you really arent mature enough to pay attention to the details. Those small things that I wish more than anything I knew about her. Her hopes, her fears. Her dreams. Did she wear blush? What country did she long to visit? Im not even sure I know what her favorite color was? 

You know what though? Thats ok because apparently, I am pretty much a carbon copy of her. Mirroring her was not something I chose, but it is something I cherish and hold dear to my heart. God tells me often that I can know her through knowing myself. When I see my reflection, I can see her. I see her in everything I do, like when I paint my nails red and they are long, they look exactly like I remember hers looking. My hands look exactly like hers. My moles are in the same pattern, my hair is the same texture. My music selections are pretty much identical to hers. 

Its like we are one in the same. There is a comforting closeness that comes from likeness, like cookies cut with the same cutter.

I am super happy to be her daughter, to carry on her legacy. I admired her so and I am privileged to receive a gift to see myself through her eyes, even though she is no longer here. 

I am reminded through my reflection that she has, was and always will be with me.

little glimse

Summer break is officially here! Its going to be a very busy summer. Here is a little glimse into whats been going on in our lives lately.

Kullen:  On to 7th grade he goes! He made pretty decent grades this year. He really likes Band, and if I must say so myself he is pretty talented. He gets a natural talent from his father and for once I think he has found music as his outlet. He says Math is the hardest for him, although he did a pretty dang good job keeping up. I know he didnt get his smarts from me! The kid catches on quick! Being a tween(12) has been an adjustment for him as it is most his age. He isnt really a child and isnt really an adult. I know it was a wonky age for me, so I didnt expect it to be any other way for him. I try to answer his questions honestly, I do my best to guide, love and protect. Mostly I am doing my best to have him turn to God, and instill him in all areas of his life. He has a very kind heart, he things of others before himself and really is a pleaser. He wants everyone to be happy. He does not like when someone doesnt like him or is mad at him. When I am having a bad day, he has prayers for me that give me chill bumps. He prays like he has been praying for 50 years. He and I have a fitness goal we are working on this summer! He wants to get healthy and fit for 7th grade and I needed to get moving and get healthy as well. It is also something we can both enjoy doing that isnt awkward for him at this age. It is a chance for us to bond and communicate as well as build our strength. (More on this challenge to follow)

Reagan: She will be going to 2nd grade. I really thought about holding her back as she has had so many struggles this year! Bless her heart she has a hard time paying attention and just learns differently. I really had a pride issue with this at first because nobody wants to think their child is not perfect! I got over that feeling really soon as I want for Reagan to be her best and I was hindering the process by being in denial. Once I realized it was okay, okay not to be perfect, but strive for her best. Not every child is perfect! It still bothers me when others get awards and she doesnt but I think that is just a momma thing. She will get there one day. We really arent sure if this is a focus issue or a learning disability at this point but I do know she is showing progress every single day. This trial is merely a stepping stone for Reagan and I know she will overcome and one day maybe even be a Teacher. God may be filling her heart with compassion for others through this! We are doing sort of a homeschool summer school to keep her little mind active. (her babysitter helps alot too and has been so good with her) Reagan and I are doing a summer reading challenge where she will read as many books possible! One things for sure, she is really engaged in this challenge, she reminds me every day that she has to read! Reagan has a sweet soul, always smiling, always laughing and is very resilient. She loves being active. Cheerleading is beginning to be her passion. She has an imagination that is out of this world. She loves playing the Teacher and wants to be a Veterinarian( as of last week). She is very creative, she loves to draw and color still and seems to enjoy learning hands on and in color rather than B&W. She lets me know she has a sweet relationship with the Lord by stating that God painted the sky, or made the butterflies. She listens closely as I pray, and mimics her prayers to mine. When I am having a bad day she will write something sweet or draw a picture for me. She is attached to me and my every move. Here is the list of books we have read so far:

	Date	Title
1	05/31/15	Snow by Marion Dane Bauer
2	05/31/15	Mice on Ice by Rebecca Emberly
3	05/31/15	Fluffy Bunnies by ?
4	05/31/15	If You Give a Mouse a Cookie by Laura Joffe Numeroff
5	06/01/15	I Have a Cold by Grace Macorone
6	06/01/15	The Best Mouse Cookie by Laura Joffe Numeroff
7	06/01/15	Pete the Cate and His Four Groovy Buttons by ?
8	06/02/15	Skippyjon Jones by Judy Schrachner
9	06/02/15	Little Pea by Amy Krause
10	06/03/15	There Was an Old Lady Who Swallowed a Shell by Lucille Colander
11	06/03/15	Goodnight Sleepyhead by ?
12	06/04/15	Pigs can sleep by Cynthia Benjamin
13	06/04/15	Signs to know by ?
14	06/04/15	The Gingerbread Man by Maryann Dobeck
15	06/05/15	A is for Autumn by Robert Mass
16	06/05/15	Apples and Pumpkins by Annie Rockwell
17	06/07/15	Away at Day Camp by Linda B Ross
18	06/07/15	Barbie A Perfect Christmas by ?
19	06/07/15	What Santa Cant Do by Douglas Wood
20	06/08/15	The Flu Bug by Lisa Shulman
21	06/08/15	A Day at the Fair by Lisa Shulman
22	06/09/15	Hop on Pop by Dr. Suess
23	06/09/15	Green Eggs and Ham by Dr. Seuss
24	06/09/15	Llama Llama Home with Mama by ?

Adam: He has been working so hard to provide for our family! He amazes me with how he puts up with us three, I mean I know it is a circus in our house! He got a new (er) truck lately and seems to really love it. No more house work has really been done lately but we are getting ready to begin landscaping and putting gutters up. I know he is thrilled about that! (not!!) 

Mandi: Things have been rather calm my way. I am currently weighing in bigger than I ever have and it has taken an emotional toll on me. There was a time in my life where I could eat whatever and whenever I wanted and still maintain a certain weight. I dont know how it all packed on but it did with the help of a few bad eating choices (Dr. Pepper is EVIL!) and Hypothyroidism which I have grown to literally hate. I have finally come to terms with it --I may just always be bigger, but I want to work out and have my heart healthy either way. I refuse to let a stupified thyroid issue ruin my happiness! Only few actually understand the joy it robs from you! It has left me on a roller coaster some months with anxiety through the roof and the feeling like I can never get enough rest! As I push through, I am reminded by God that I am more than my weight, I am more than my thyroid issue and all I can do is my best and lean on him. Its true. Im not tooting my own horn here (ok maybe I am a little) but I know for sure I have a sweeter heart and soul than some of these other smaller girls!I am reminded by him that he has given me precious lives to take care of and in this season of my life it isnt just about me. I put everyone else's needs before my own and Im good with that. I know I will be blessed one day for this. Im going to stop being so hard on myself and take it day by day. Choice by choice. Sometimes I feel as if I am the only person who combats with all of this!